Why I Stopped Scripting My Concerts and Talks
Learning how (and how not) to prep today to be present tomorrow š
I thought someone out there might be curious about my process of prepping for one of my talks or concerts. Here's a behind-the-scenes look at a recent gigā¦
Two months before an event, a booking confirmation hits my inbox. I feel excited and a little anxious. "What will I say?" "Will I do a good job?"
About a month out, I begin to plan and practice as part of my daily walks. In my mind, I step onto the stage and get a feel for what it will feel like to be with this group of people. I think of something really great to say and write it down when I get home.
The next day I rehearse the script, but it falls flat. "What was I thinking?" I start over and think of a better thing to say. I get home and write down my new, much better talk.
Over the course of a few weeks, I throw away a lot of talks.
Eventually, I realize that delivering a scripted talk on presence is feels counterproductive. How can I lead others to be present if I'm reciting a script from the past?
I decide not to script the talk, but instead to simply step onto the stage, take in the audience, and do what I'm asking them to do: Breathe. Be fully here. Then share whatever is alive in me. My anxiety skyrockets!
I spend the next couple of weeks trying not to write my talk. Instead, I practice stepping onto the stage and being present.
Before long, I have another realization: I'm practicing for a talk about presence by imagining myself in the future. My practice for this talk is keeping me from being present! Meanwhile, Iām missing a beautiful walk through a beautiful neighborhood on a beautiful day.
I come back to where I am.
I see the trees. I hear the birds. I feel the sun. I feel my breath.
Iām flooded with gratitude for this wonderful moment.
I decide that the best way I can be of service to this future audience is to enjoy my walk today. But, this leaves me feeling even less sure about what Iām actually going to say. My anxiety continues to grow.
My daily walks are now a combination of practicing presence and coping with pretty high levels of anxiety! I try to come back to my beautiful walkāto the trees, the birds, the sunābut I can't seem to āget back.ā I feel discouraged. "How can I lead others into presence if I can't get past all of this anxiety??"
I have another realization: the trees, the birds, and the sun are here; so is my anxiety. My anxiety is part of this moment. Being present means being with my anxiety.
I accept that I am anxious. I allow it to be here, with me.
My anxiety subsides. It is still here, but it no longer fills my viewāit walks next to me.
I see the trees again. I hear the birds. I feel the sun. And my anxiety. I take it all in.
I feel a rush of gratitude. I feel present again. Today, this is my preparation. This is my practice.
I am learning that practicing presence can never be āruinedā by circumstance. The circumstanceālike it or notāpoints to presence.
On the flight to the event, I continue to practice.
In the hotel, I continue to practice.
On the morning of the event, I continue to practice.
I walk on stage. I look out. I see my anxiety. It is here. But it is not all that is here. I see other people. People who, just like me, long to feel connected, present, and to know that it's okay to be here. I'm not alone. I take it all in.
I am flooded with gratitude for this wonderful moment.
And from that space, I share what is alive in me. But more important than what I say is the place from which it comes.
ā„ļø
If you'd like to watch the talk this all led to, here is a highlight video (thereās a link to the full keynote in the description as well):
Iām curious of anyone else has had a similar experience? Iād love to hear your thoughts!
āNathan
What an incredible process and explanation of it. Thank you Nathan. I pray a lot for God to be with those Iām going to play to. That helps me attend to the Holy Spirit when in front of the group. I seek to be a vessel, and that helps me tap into the presence.
Thank you for sharing your process, Nathan! I relate, no surprise there āØ, the anxiety is here - always. And the more I grow, stretch, and live the purpose our Creator has for me, the MORE the anxiety, and dark voices are here to tell me to shut up, and sit down. I know theyāre trying to protect me, that they are carrying trauma from a time ago that eclipses my thinking. But my ancestors are here for this, our Creator is here for this, the people that want to hear me speak (or not, really doesnāt matter if itās an empty room) - it IS CLEAR to me, that folks like you and I are HERE to speak. Our voice story helps others on, that is our gift. So now in prep for whatever the thing is, I focus on the why, under why of WHY Iām doing it. Who I want to reach. Itās probably some past version of myselfšš½šŖ and meditate on the edges of the talk and let it role. I always start with at this point to ground myself, that I feel all the wiggles, I do some body shakes and and such, if itās in person folks are usually laughing at this point - or relating, and I go. I focus on breathing...the more quiet, the better. And wherever it lands, is where it lands, I trust ...have to, that God is working thru me, cause I know not what is being said. But I know at the end, itās always what was needed for those listening, and most importantly for meš¤ as always, my friend thank you for sharing!!!! And congratulations on the opportunity to share your heart on a stage. Those people needed to see you that dayšš½