To Be Present

I’m struggling to be present today.
So much in me wants to do something.
What can I do?

Yesterday’s tragedy is triggering a fight or flight response in my body and mind.
I want to do something. If I can’t do something, then I want to escape.

It’s good to know that these will probably be my two widest paths today: fight or flight.

My sense is that there is a better path for me today.
And, of course, this path is harder to find and harder to take. The narrow path.

The narrow path for me today is to be.

I can immediately feel a reaction against this.
For me, being today means feeling things I don’t want to feel: sadness, anger, helplessness, fear…
I would rather do than be today. What can I do?

Here is the brutal truth for me today: My kids are here. They need a present dad. If I choose doing over being today, they will feel my absence. If I choose to be today — even with all of the pain and discomfort — they will feel my presence.

As far as what happens in the rest of the world… the change needed for elevating humanity beyond hateful violence and fear-based decisions starts in the heart, not with the law. Regardless of how good or bad current policy may be, yesterday’s happenings were not a result of bad laws; they were a result of a lack of presence.

I do not want to contribute to the problem by becoming absent today.

If I am going to struggle either way, I will struggle to be present.