It's Safe to Let Go

on breathing and and living freely

Dear friend,

I often lead a breath exploration, where participants are encouraged to let go of control of the breath, and to watch the way that their breathing not only doesn’t stop, but it deepens.

I’ve been able to lead this all over the country now, and every time I do someone comes up to me and shares some profound way that it helped them. One woman said that her chronic full-body pain went away for the first time in years. One person told me their tears of anger changed to tears of sadness and healing. Less-dramatic feedback I hear all the time: “my shoulders dropped an inch.”

All of the feedback points to the same thing: when we let go, we don’t die.

The fact that this is such a profound realization for so many people points to another thing: many of us are living with an underlying belief that if we don’t stay diligent, we’re in big trouble. Even as you just read that, something in you may have agreed. But it’s not true, and this simple exploration points to what is.

If you haven’t tried the exploration, you can try it now. There’s a 20-minute video walk-through here, but you can do a simple version of it like this: just let go of your breathing and watch the way your body responds… Did you die? What happened?

To me, this isn’t a “breathing exercise.” It’s a life-lesson, taught by the most fundamental and foundational part of us.

Over 90% of modern culture is in a habitual state of shallow breathing. We are resisting the autonomic nature of the breath, and exerting our effort instead.

It’s part of a fight-or-flight response. Most of us are stuck in it. And everything — our thinking, our body, our speech, our interaction with others — is infused with the quality of it.

Addictions to alcohol, internet, over-working, emotional drama, pick-your-poison, are our attempts to escape or avoid it.

I keep saying “it” — I want to give “it” a name. This is not necessarily the most accurate name, but a very helpful label for “it” could be: closing.

When I let go, something in me is afraid I’ll die. So I hold on. I grip. Instead of opening my hand — or my shoulders, or my neck, or my lower back, or my heart, or my eyes, or myself — I close.

I close.

That’s the problem we’re all trying to solve. And most of us are trying to solve it in a completely backwards way.

I’m afraid, so I work harder. I move faster. I focus. I try, try, try… my methods for solving my closedness are driving me deeper into closedness…

A room of people letting go of their breath is one of the most beautiful things in the world. They are all looking at something — a belief, held by themselves and so many in our world today. They are questioning it. If I let go, will I really die? And then they are taking courage — to test it. They let go. And what do they find? Not only do they not die, but their breath goes deeper. Without their effort.

We’ve been running in the wrong direction because we’ve been believing a lie.

It is safe to let go.

I’m finding in my own life that this is about much more than oxygen and lungs and diaphragms and shoulder muscles.

The quality of letting go is more important than the action of letting go. The quality of letting go is trust.

When a child feels safe, it plays. The child is open.

When the child senses danger, it stops playing. It closes.

When the child no longer senses danger, it goes back to play.

This is our design, and it’s good. It keeps the rattlesnakes out, and lets the good things in.

But we can get stuck in a closed state. Many of us have. Statistically, most of us have. It can be measured by the range of motion of the diaphragm. And often by chronic pain and disease. But it can also be measured by what we sense inside ourselves.

We can tell when we’re stuck closed. That’s why we over-drink. Or over-work. Or doom scroll. Or dramatize. These are ways we try to get ourselves open again, or at least dull the pain and strain of our tight grip. But they don’t work — they only drive us deeper into closedness.

If we’re truly in danger — not figuratively but literally, like there’s a rattlesnake in the room — then we should be closed. Closed is good.

But if the threat has gone and we’re still closed, our life is being limited and constricted for nothing.

So what to do? I know what doesn’t work, from plenty of experience. Thinking about all of this, or trying to think differently doesn’t help. Thinking is what has driven us in; more thinking won’t pull us out.

What I do believe helps (and have experienced) is letting go…

You can try the breathing exploration. Just that can make a huge difference. But you don’t have to stop there. The thing you do when you let go of your breath — that inner release of your “grip” — you can do that when a certain text from a certain person comes through, or you see a certain headline, or a certain thought comes to mind… all the things that used to close you can become opportunities for you to practice the inner quality of letting go. Then problems are no longer problems — they’re invitations.

We are being invited back. Back to our playing, wondering, creating, laughing, exploring self… that child is still there. It may have been locked away, while we’ve been trying to make it safe, but I’m here to tell you: it’s safe. It’s safe to come out. To come back. To be here. Where you are. You are safe. Can you feel that? Can you let that feeling spread across your whole body? Can you let it spread across your whole day?

This takes a lot of practice. It took a lot of practice to get ourselves in our current state, and it will take a lot of practice to get ourselves back out. But it’s worth it. Probably more than anything else, it is worth it. Because as we re-open, we don’t just save ourselves — we save each other.

You are a conduit. You are meant to be open, because LIFE, joy, creativity, LOVE is meant to flow through you, freely.

Open the floodgates. You don’t need to pry them wide open. A tiny movement at a time is a huge success. You will feel it. So will everyone around you. So just start here, where you are. Start with your breath, and trust it to lead to the rest.

—Nathan

PS. Reply any time! And if you found this helpful, share it with a friend today. Consider supporting with a paid subscription to keep this newsletter sustainable. Thank you!