Frantic Physician

We Lead Where We Go

Dear friend,

We lead where we go.

As a parent, I want my children to go through life with a sense of rest and trust. I want them to let go of negativity. I want them to move confidently toward what they want, rather than running from what they don’t.

I can tell them all of this (I do). I can buy them books (I do). I can have family meetings about it (I’ve tried!). But at the end of the day, the only thing they will ever hear from me is what I am telling myself inside.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong, a clanging cymbal.

I can say all the right things about rest. But if I am not at rest, I will not lead to rest. It doesn’t matter what I say; all that matters is where, and what, I am.

It’s a paradox. I’ve often become anxious trying to do a “good job” leading my kids. And it is that very anxiety that they follow — not what I’m saying in words. While that can be a discouraging thought, it actually points to a huge opportunity:

When I become aware of my shortcomings as a father or a leader — when I realize that I don’t have the thing I’m trying to give — that is when I’m ready to receive the thing I lack, the very thing I want to give, and only then am I able to give it.

And we don’t have to worry about how to give it — once we have it, everyone around us receives it without any effort on our part, simply by being in our presence.

If you’re up for it, try this with me:

For a moment, take your attention off of your children (or whoever you want to support).

Turn your full attention instead to the child inside of you. Is it afraid? Anxious? Hurried? Can you feel some compassion towards this child? It wants to do a good job. It’s trying. It doesn’t know exactly how. Maybe it’s tired…

Can you tell this child that it is safe to be here right now? That it’s safe to let go?

Notice the way your body responds when you give yourself permission to let go. Just stay here for a moment. Enjoy that feeling…

You may need to do that several times per day, or per hour, for a while. If you do, you will eventually begin to feel more at rest for more of your day. That is how you give rest to your children. Not with words, but by your being.

Our children follow where we go. We don’t have to say anything.

The same is true for all leaders — teachers, political leaders, medical workers, all adults.

If you are trying to make positive change in the world, but it is wearing you out, be careful — one day you may turn around to see that everyone following you is also worn out. It may sound cliche, but if we truly want to make positive change, it really does start with us.

We lead where we go.

—Nathan

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Originally posted at: https://nathanpeterson.net/frantic-physician/