Changing my Feelings is None of My Business
Today is my birthday! 🎂
Dear friends,
Today is my birthday! I don’t yet identify as “middle-aged,” since I am planning to live to 100 and am only turning 45. But since 25 is such a nice square number, I feel obliged to share a sage nugget of wisdom with you from the (almost) first half of my life.
Here’s a lesson I am learning which, at this point in my life, feels life-changing: My experience of life in this moment is fleeting, and changing it is none of my business.
Like clouds, every feeling, every thought, every emotion leaves as fast as it comes... unless I hurry it. Here is the nugget: my resistance holds the clouds in place.
As soon as I enter a power struggle with my experience of life, I lock it into place—the process pauses and waits, patiently, for me to throw my fit. Once I’m finished, once I finally let go and accept that the clouds do exist, they are free to move again.
I am repeatedly surprised by the clearing of the clouds, as surprised as I am by their arrival. But I am learning to accept that changing how I feel is no more my business, and no more possible, than changing the weather.
I’m finding that the pain my feelings cause me rarely comes from the feelings themselves, but from my unwillingness to accept them—it is my power struggle with reality that hurts the most.
One day, I will find myself amidst the dark clouds of some moment. I will look at them warmly and welcome them, knowing that in another moment they will be gone, and I will be fine in both moments.
It’s the difference between a man who hates the rain and one who dances in it. Lately, I find myself appreciating the older people in my life who have figured out that they might as well dance, like children. When I grow up, I want to be like them.
Today, for my birthday, I ask that you try making friends with one of your clouds. Accept it warmly. Invite it to stay. Then, let yourself feel the weight of making things (even your own feelings) any different than they are slide off your back.
Share your experience with someone (or with me) today. ♥️
-Nathan
Originally posted at: https://nathanpeterson.net/changing-my-feelings/